They say writing is like crying. It’s cathartic. You cannot bottle up feelings inside of you. You have to let go. I have never had a problem of letting go in my entire life. Until now, that is.
On the 10th of this month, I received my CAT (Common Aptitude Test) results and as the scores appeared on the screen, I was very happy to see a 95 percentile on the test for which I had worked my butt off. However, the happiness and excitement was short-lived as the percentile did not result in admission calls from any premier colleges. Suddenly the one year effort into getting a good score seemed pointless, worthless, useless. I could not fathom what went wrong and what to do in this situation.
I had heard people say that only when you long for something really bad, do you find it so difficult to accept that perhaps you will never get it even though you make the efforts. That is exactly what has happened with me. For probably the first time in my life, I longed for something, made the corresponding efforts that resulted into nothing. And now, those efforts and that longing are haunting me. So is the undesired result.
Life teaches you lessons, lots of them. But it sure does know which one to teach and at what time to do so. When you start thinking that this one aspect of life will never affect you, life puts you to test. As I struggle with my loss of expectations and the blurred lines, I realize this is a test. A test in letting go. I must. let.go.